Finding Hope
by Jamjumpers
Summary: It's been two years since the soul migration. Waking in the new world alone, Lightning makes little attempt to find the others. Learning that Hope sent a reporter looking for her she finally decided to see him.


**FINDING HOPE**

Lightning woke to the moist smell of grass and dirt below her. It was dark and the early morning dew had left her clothing damp and cold. She pushed herself up from the ground and looked around. A sharp wind picked up and sent her rose coloured hair beating mercilessly in the wind while she struggled to see.

Lights poured in all around; blinding white and disorienting. _Where_ _am I_ _?_ Her head throbbed as she tried to gain her bearings. Then she remembered: Bhunivelze. This was his world, they managed to get here, souls transported after their battle.

The blinding light subsided and her eyes adjusted to the unfamiliar scene before her: people walking down the street chatting, cars driving, people working. They appeared as though they had always been there, unfazed by the unfamiliar surroundings. She marvelled at the tall buildings, already built and occupied. Bhunivelze truly had manufactured this world with the intention of starting everyone new. She wasn't part of his plan, is that why she felt so out of place?

Lightning stepped out onto the footpath and looked around. Joggers dodged her and a cyclist chimed a bell for her to move aside as she gawked. All of that work doing Bhunivelze's bidding. She spun around and looked at the lawn where had woken. She had expected to be reborn with everyone, but none of the others appeared nearby. She felt a pit in her stomach.

 _Lightning and Serah, hands clasped together after so long searching for each other, had_ _moved_ _towards the_ _lights of the new world_ _. Before long they had turned, arms outstretched_ _:_ _Serah to Snow and Lightning to Hope. Hope: that's what they finally had._ _She_ _had_ _felt_ _a sense of freedom. So used to fighting, protecting and putting others first the weight of expectation_ _had_ _finally gone. The final battle was over, she had embraced her weakness and she had been saved from her loneliness. Lightning had_ _smiled_ _as Hope had raised to meet her, arms outstretched and smiling. She ha_ _d_ _been the saviour of mankind, but he was her saviour_ _._

The joy she had felt already seemed so long ago. She stepped back towards where she woke and sat below a tree out of view and wept; she was alone. Again.

"Lightning?" The shock was momentary but enough to make her stop. She didn't recognise the voice and she had long since stopped using that name. The name was too recognisable; she didn't want the attention that went with such fame. She had fought her battles and just wanted some peace.

Lightning turned in the aisle of the train carriage to face the source of the outburst. It was a woman, not much older than herself, seated in against the window, papers and notes were stacked on the small work table folded down from the wall in front of her. Lightning didn't recognise her. The woman looked nervous, as though she expected more than the silence and Lightning's stare.

Just as Lightning was about to turn away the woman regained her composure, "I've always wanted to meet you. I met everyone else but couldn't manage to find you."

Lightning exhaled, released the tension in her shoulders and relaxed her gaze.

"So it's you. The reporter who's been calling on everyone and wants to meet me." Lightning paused, "Yes, I've heard about you."

The woman perked up at the recognition, gaining confidence.

"Yes. I'd very much like to interview you."

The train lurched as the brakes were applied. Lightning darted her eyes to the window and then back on the face of the reporter.

"I'm sorry, this is my stop."

The reporter panicked, glanced outside the window herself, and saw her opportunity slipping away.

"I-l'll come with you then" she said, as she swept her papers and notes into a leather messenger bag on the seat next to her. Suddenly in her frenzy she stopped; a realisation of an appointment she had to keep. Her brow furrowed as she let out a sigh.

"No, I can't," she said. The reporter slumped back into her seat and looked dejected, "I guess I can't have everything my way after all."

Lightning was surprised at the sudden change but relieved she'd be left alone.

"I'll have to take a rain check on our interview", the reporter said.

"We'll see about that", Lightning replied.

"All of humanity, we're all right. We'll make this world a better place."

Lightning smiled, "Then I'll leave it to you."

Lightning turned and walked to the train doors. The train continued to slow and she let out a deep breath. The doors opened and she stepped out onto the platform. The warm spring sun kissed her skin and scents of new flowers hugged her senses. As the train pulled away she pulled a crumpled piece of paper from her pocket. On it was an address scrawled in a messy hand.

"Here," he had said, "You owe him this much." Snow's serious tone had surprised her. The smile on his face when she took the note still made her feel awkward. She had taken it, but it would be months before she decided to do anything with it. She had avoided this meeting for so long and the longer she had waited, the harder it was to make. She was nervous but she was resolute; she would follow through.

She had learnt about the reporter from Serah and Snow. They mentioned that Hope had referred the reporter to her for information on their past, he himself withholding information about their time together on the Ark. _W_ _as he really trying to find_ _me_ _?_

Lightning stopped at the front gate leading to the address on her note. It was a small weatherboard cottage, inviting and quaint: the perfect family home, she thought. The carefully kept front garden, though small, was full of life as bees danced among the flowers and birds called from within the bushes and atop the lone lemon tree. This looked like an older section of town; the home was close to shops, cafes and the train station. The block sizes were comparatively small, but still held a charm not seen in the inner city.

She carefully unlatched the front gate and made her way to the front door. Seeing no doorbell she knocked and waited. After a moment she discerned the sound of muffled footsteps, which were followed by a voice calling, "Coming!"

Hope's voice.

It had been two years since they had come to this world and Lightning wasn't sure whether she would see a boy of 16 years or a man of 29 when the door swung open. When it did Hope stood at the threshold nonplussed. It was definitely the latter. He was dressed casually in a shirt and chinos and she immediately noticed the similarity to her own outfit: a loose cotton shirt and camel capris.

"Lightning...?" He clearly wasn't expecting her.

"Can I come in?"

"O-of course," he stammered and moved aside to let her pass. He closed the door behind them and guided Lightning into a lounge room. There were two couches at a right angle to each other: one facing a large window overlooking the front garden and the other a television mounted on the adjacent wall across from where they entered. Between them stood a simple coffee table. A news program was airing footage of a civil war happening overseas.

Hope noticed her watching and said, "A reporter, Aoede, that interviewed me some months ago was reporting on this war." He said. "I would watch the news sometimes expecting to see her with you." Hope laughed to himself, "Silly, right? As if you would ever appear on TV willingly."

Lightning smiled, "Yeah. I'm not one for the spotlight."

Hope picked up the remote and turned off the TV. Lightning sat on the couch facing the window and placed her bag on the floor next to her.

Hope had his hands placed on the back of the second couch, leaning forward.

"Have..." Hope said and paused, rethinking what he wanted to say, then continued, "Have you been involved in the fighting?"

Lightning replied flatly, "No." After a pause she added, "I'm done with fighting."

Hope gazed at her and said nothing; willing her to say more. She shifted uneasily under his stare before adding, "I've been working as a consultant in security."

"I see." Hope said, he held her gaze before he pushed himself from the back of the couch. He began to walk towards the kitchen, "Would you like anything to drink? Eat perhaps?" Hope called from behind her.

"Water would be great"

There was silence as Hope turned a kettle on to boil, and as he opened a cupboard to retrieve a glass and mug. Lightning looked out at the garden beyond the window. The silence was awkward.

Hope returned from the kitchen and placed a glass on the coffee table in front of her and sat on the second couch nursing a cup of tea. Neither of them spoke for what felt like an age, but can't have been more than a few minutes. Lightning found herself fidgeting with her glass of water: picking it up, taking a sip, holding it in her lap, turning it around and then placing it back on the coffee table. Meanwhile Hope nursed his tea and looked out the window to his right: away from Lightning.

They had each been through so much together that there were so many things to be said; but the years apart made it hard for either to start. The truth was that Lightning felt guilty. She had promised to look out for him, but when they woke and were apart she had made no attempt to find him. She told herself he needed space with his parents, that it would be inappropriate to intrude. However that excuse didn't hold much water after two years. With a start Lightning realised she hadn't seen Hope's parents and she was the one who finally broke the silence.

"Are you the only one here? I expected to see your parents." She said.

Hope sighed, his gaze still fixed out the window, "So did I".

He looked back at Lightning's puzzled face and added, "I looked for them when I woke up, relentlessly. I couldn't find them, but then I realised... they were never here to be found."

"What do you mean?"

"Tell me Light, have you seen your parents?"

"What do you mean? Of course not..." As she answered it dawned on her, "their souls would have been reincarnated. Their souls would be here, but they're no longer my parents."

She paused for a moment while Hope again turned to look out the window. "Just like yours." She finished.

"Precisely. My mother died 500 years before the chaos was released, my father over 400 years before. Their souls would have moved on in that time. I was naive to think that they'd be here."

He looked back to Lightning, "When I first started at the Academy I wanted to change the past and prevent my mother from dying. Meeting Serah and Noel, I realised that changing the past could drastically alter the timeline - it was was a selfish dream."

"Maybe. You were so young when you lost your mother. It does something to you, losing a parent like that."

"I know you lost yours young too, but you still didn't obsess like I did. I really believed I'd see mine again if I just worked hard enough. In the end it was a stupid waste of time."

"I'm sorry, Hope." She didn't know what else to say.

Hope avoided her eye contact and stared into his mug.

"You were surprised when I opened the door and wasn't a kid, weren't you?"

"I wasn't sure either way, to be honest. The last I saw you, you were the same age as when we first met, but I had seen you grow up from Valhalla."

There was a pause, "Even if I did find my parents, I'm an adult now. It wouldn't be the same."

"You resent waking as an adult?" She asked.

"No, of course not. Even though I appeared young on the ark... I wasn't a kid. I'd have been an adult in a kid's body - I don't think I would have enjoyed that."

"I'm really am sorry Hope, if I'd known-"

"You would have come sooner?" His voice was unexpectedly harsh and he surprised himself.

"Yeah, something like that." Lightning muttered after a pause.

Neither of them looked directly at each other but Lightning's gaze would occasionally turn to him, noticing the hurt look on his face. Her chest tightened, it was all going so badly. Her guilt coupled with Hope's anger was overwhelming. She took hold of her bag and stood up from the couch.

"Coming here was a bad idea." She said.

Hope turned to her quickly, his face panicked, "No, Lightning, please don't leave. I'm sorry I snapped." He blurted.

Lightning stood, bag in hand, unsure. She had never been in a situation like this before. _She had never allowed herself to be in a position like this be_ _fore_ , she thought. The part of her that wanted to leave battled with the other: _coward_ , she thought. She placed her bag back down and sat. Hope was clearly relieved.

"I'm sorry, Light." Hope leaned forward, resting his forearms on his legs. He looked at the floor and sighed. "I don't know what came over me.

"I looked for you too, you know. When I started to realise I wouldn't find my parents I searched for you. I might have thought you weren't here either if I hadn't been with you as we came over."

Hope looked up at Lightning, face pleading for an explanation. Her lips parted as though to speak, but instead her brows furrowed and she looked away, ashamed.

Hope was disappointed but took that as a cue to continue, "Some people had remembered seeing you, but the information was so old I couldn't get anywhere with it. Why did you make yourself so impossible to find?"

"If people knew I was the saviour there would be an expectation that I would lead them or solve their problems. I woke up alone, all I wanted to do was find Serah. So long as I introduced myself as Lightning people might know who I was, however by any other name I was just another rose haired woman who _might_ be the saviour. I started using my real name.

"Maybe that's why you couldn't find me."

"You know you never told me your real name."

"It's Claire", Lightning smiled, revealing her name felt somehow intimate. Hope returned the smile. They both felt the tension between them lift slightly.

"So, _Claire_ ," Hope emphasised the name, "what do you do as a security consultant?"

"I started out by advising the federal security head, he knew who I was and let me work for him behind the scenes. I advised on Government security for building access, meetings, events and those sorts of things. I never officially joined the government, I'm not interested in politics. But then, I got invited to be on the international security council, which is what I've been doing for just over the last six months."

"I don't think I could ever imagine you in politics." Hope teased.

"I never imagined you in politics either, but then look what happened to you." She retorted.

"Did Snow tell you about that?" Hope asked.

"Yeah. There was a lot that I missed; I've only heard bits and pieces. I would like to know more." Lightning noticed his reservations and added, "But only if you're willing."

Hope smoothly progressed over the years that followed the release of the chaos: the transition into politics, abandoning old cocoon, then finally the rose haired phantom. He paused here, uncertain how to proceed and how much to reveal.

"I thought she - _it_ \- was you. Bhunivelze's tricks." Hope decided she didn't need to know that he had obsessed over the Phantom, over her, dreamt about her and was ultimately driven insane by not being able to reach her. He thought about how easily he had spoken about it to the reporter Aoede. Sometimes it was easier to talk about intimate topics with strangers; they often withheld judgement, or was it that their judgement meant less? If he told Lightning, would she be flattered? Revolted?

"I was eventually ensnared by Bhunivelze, where he-"

"Hope." Lightning reached out and took this hand. "It's okay. You don't need to speak about it. I know... enough at least."

"Thanks." There was a pause as their hands rested together before Hope pulled his away and stood, "Hey, you know I'm a bit hungry. There's a pretty good cafe in town, not far from here. We should continue catching up over lunch. I can tell you about my research."

He was already rifling through his bag for his wallet as Lightning stood up.

"There are so many things that differ in this world, it truly is fascinating. You can also tell me more about your role with the international security council." Hope held the door open to let Lightning pass before locking up the house.

Lightning was puzzled by the abrupt change, the almost forceful exile from the home and the hurried pace of Hope's speech.

"It's about a 15 minute walk. I hope that's okay? It's such a nice day it would be a waste to drive."

"It's fine. I could do with a walk." Lightning said.

"It's interesting how people's memories vary." Hope began as he closed the garden gate behind him. They walked along casually, enjoying the warmth and fresh air.

"When I woke up I remembered everything but it is a mix for others." Hope continued, "Some have partial memories, like weird dreams, and others have no memories at all.

"One thing in common is they all have false memories. When they woke up they remembered a life in this world before the soul migration. They had existing connections and a purpose. It must be odd having vivid dreams of a place that shouldn't exist; a world so completely different to this one."

They turned down a narrow laneway that pressed them together. A cat lounging on a fence yawned and watch them pass lazily. Lightning dropped back and let Hope lead.

He turned back to address her, "But when I woke, who was I? I didn't get any false memories, any false past. Still, people recognised my name, even if subconsciously. It helped get me a position at the University. If they hadn't I'd probably have had to start all over again."

"What would you have done?" Lightning asked.

"I thought maybe I'd apply for a PhD and get myself into academia that way, but then I have no academic transcript or records." Hope laughed, "Honestly, I have no idea."

Crossing a street into a main street of the town he continued, "Aoede - a reporter - managed to piece a lot of our history together from those dreams. She was interviewing people to piece together a timeline and identified common themes."

"I met her. The reporter." Lightning said.

Hope was surprised, "You did? When?"

"On the train ride here."

"Oh, so you caught the train. Was the journey long?"

"A few hours. I don't own a car at the moment. It was nice to stare out the window and just watch the countryside"

"It really is quite beautiful here." Hope smiled, then added, "Did Aoede manage to interview you on the train?"

Lightning shook her head, "She noticed me when I was getting off. She actually almost came after me."

"She's certainly persistent."

They walked a while and Hope signalled to the cafe just a little further up the street. It was an older bluestone building that looked like it would have previously been a stables. The cafe was teeming with people when they entered. Hope scanned the tables and managed to snag a small table in the undercover seating outside as another couple left. He picked up the discarded plates and cups to return to the counter, not willing to wait for a waitress.

"Coffee?" He asked.

"A latte, please."

Hope nodded and disappeared inside the cafe. After a few minutes he returned with two menus, passing one to Lightning.

"Anything you recommend?" Lightning asked, flicking over the piece of paper.

They chatted easily, the awkwardness from earlier in the day gone. Hope disappeared inside to place their orders and returned in time for their coffee to be placed on their table by a waitress.

He recounted to Lightning his studies into the physics of the new world.

"It's essentially the same but there's no magic here."

Their food arrived as he started to list examples. He himself used magic extensively when they were l'Cie together. He then jumped into the interesting links with the planet's biology. Lightning barely spoke, only nodding and making encouraging comments that kept Hope talking. His face lit up when he spoke about his work. She enjoyed watching the animation on his face, the warm spring weather, the pungent smell of the wisteria flowers laced through the verandah, and the chatter of diners around her.

A waitress came and cleared their long finished plates and Hope went back to the counter to order more coffee and some slice. Before long a waitress came by their table and informed them they were closing.

"Looks like we're getting kicked out." Hope laughed. "If you have time I'd like to show you our lab out here."

It was now past four o'clock in the afternoon, Lightning was surprised at how quickly time had flown. _It's getting late_ , she thought. Even so, she acquiesced to Hope's persistence and was led on another walk into neighbouring part of town and to a modern building; opened in the last year, according to Hope. Inside he introduced her to colleagues and showed her plant samples they had been collecting and cataloging. By the time they left the sun was near the horizon. She'd lost track of the time. She checked her phone: 6:30 pm.

"It's been great seeing you Hope, but I need to get back." She said.

"The train station isn't far from here. Let me walk you."

The train station was a short walk from the laboratory. As they approach the station Hope stopped at an A-frame sign, and reading it first to himself, he read it again aloud to catch Lightning's attention, "Disruption of services for rail improvement works 18:00 to 5:00. Buses replacing trains."

Lightning stopped and turned to look at the sign he was referencing. "You've got to be kidding me." She said.

"Did you not notice this on your way through?"

"No. I didn't." Lightning sighed. "This is going to be a nightmare."

"Let me drive you."

"No. It's at least a two hour drive. I couldn't possibly ask you to."

"I want to. It will probably take you all night with the buses. Besides, I know you don't want to spend the whole night on a bus."

"Alright. You've got me there."

They walked back to Hope's house. He instructed her to stay out on the footpath and a few minutes after a car emerged from a narrow laneway that ran down the side of his property. "Get in"

The countryside quickly melted into dense suburbia, then into the tall buildings of the city. The tranquility they had shared in the country was replaced with bright lights and teeming traffic. It was at least two hours before they pulled up in front of an apartment building, managing to take the last spot on the side of the road.

"This is me." Lighting said, then added with a jest, "Thanks for the lift, but now _you're_ going to get home late."

"You can repay me with something to eat. I'm starving. Can I come in?"

Her own stomach growled at the mention of food, "Sure, we can call for Chinese. They're probably the only thing open this late, unless you want a 24hr kebab."

They took the elevator to the 20th floor and entered into a small open plan, two bedroom apartment. The view of the city was breathtaking and Hope immediately walked over to the floor-to-ceiling windows to admire the outlook.

"Great view" he said.

"I know. I often just sit and stare out at it after a long day; it never gets old. Are you a red or white drinker?" Lightning asked from the kitchen.

"Red." Hope responded as he moved over to a two seater couch and sat down. The apartment was simply furnished. Minimalist styling and no real mementos or decorations, Hope noticed.

"Do you live alone?" He asked.

"It's just me and Bhunnie." She replied.

"Bhunnie?" At that moment Hope heard the soft tinkle of a bell and a cat unfurled itself and stretched on the floor by the windows. "You named your cat Bhunivelze?"

Lightning laughed, "He's a tyrant. It suits him. Anything in particular you want to eat?"

"I'm fine with whatever you order."

Lightning placed an order over the phone, retrieved two wine glasses from a cabinet and inspected a few bottles of wine in her pantry. She settled on a pinot and walked over to the coffee table in front of the couch. She unscrewed the bottle, pouring two glasses, passed one to Hope and left the bottle open in front of them to breathe. She took a mouthful of the wine and slumped back into the other side of the two seater next to Hope. Hope smelled the wine and took a sip.

"It's good." he said.

"It's one of my favourites." Lightning admitted.

They drank and chatted, when the Chinese arrived Lightning was already light headed from drinking on an empty stomach. She returned with the food and pushed aside the half empty bottle of wine and placed the takeaway on the coffee table.

"This smells great." Hope said, rifling through the bag.

Lightning retrieved plates and cutlery from the kitchen. Grabbing a remote control she flicked on the TV. They ate and drank the rest of the wine together, laughing over a trashy B-grade movie they managed to find.

As the credits began to roll on screen Lightning became acutely aware of how close Hope was. She could feel the distinct warmth of his thigh as it pressed against hers. Looking forward at the TV she could suddenly feel his gaze on her; direct and unwavering. She could no longer hear the sound of the TV over the throbbing sound of her heartbeat in her ears. She knew if she looked at him now that he would kiss her, and that troubled her. He was handsome and she couldn't deny the attraction; that there was a chemistry between them. Even so, she couldn't shake the feeling that it would be wrong. Despite his 29 years, she had met him as a 14 year old, she already 21 (though now 23). She was sure he had a crush on her as a boy, when she was an adult and in a position of authority. Did that make it wrong? Would this be taking advantage of him?

The decision was made for her; her thoughts interrupted by Hope's hand as he gently cupped her cheek. She didn't resist as he used his fingertips to guide her face towards his. His lips lightly brushed her skin before tentatively meeting her mouth. It started out slow and unsure and then grew more passionate as they each felt a hunger for the other neither fully realised they had. For the second time in both their lives it felt like time had stopped. There was nothing and no one, except this moment; their intermingled breaths, clumsy hands and urgency as they drew into each other.

Hope kissed her deeply; placing a hand at the root of her skull to pull her in closely. He repositioned on the couch to bring her in and pressed her body against his. When they finally parted they were each hot and breathless, flushed and smiling. He rested his forehead against hers and fingered the edge of her jaw under her ears.

"You have no idea how long I've wanted this." Hope said.

Lightning pulled back and looked into his green eyes. She wondered whether it was the alcohol, but his eyes were clear and focused.

After a moment she leant forward and they kissed again. She hadn't realised she wanted this at all; just how much she wanted this.


End file.
